Mr. Emotionally Abusive Part 2 | misskookie's Blog

** I wrote this two days ago, just haven't had time to upload it.

I miss him. It’s ludicrous, I know but I can’t help it. The worst part is that he lives right next to me. Fortunately, or unfortunately, he rarely leaves the house so the chances of us bumping into each other are beyond slim. But I keep wishing we do. Not that I want to see him or talk to him, no way. I just want to see how he’ll react. Will he be disgusted when he spots me? Or will he have a look of total indifference. Bree Van De Kamp once said that the opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s indifference. That’s always stuck with me.
I keep wondering if he’ll text me to apologize. I keep hoping he will. He could never get a second chance with me but it’d be really good to know that he regrets what he said to me. I still can’t believe he told me to kill myself and to hell. Smiley face included. I mean, who says things like that!? This isn’t high school. I finally get what all the experts mean when you say that you can’t blame yourself for other people’s behaviour. I know he blames me for spoiling his mood but really, he’s a grown man. If he goes psycho when he gets mad, that really has nothing to do with me.
I’m lonely. I know that if things were normal I’d be at his place today. Instead I went and played with my little cousins, aged 4 and 7. Children can really help when you’re blue. Their joie de vivre can’t help but lift your spirits. I don’t have his number which really helps. I wish I’d have kept his text so that every time I start missing him I read it and get mad again. But I just picture the smiley face at the end and that works just fine.
I have learnt something though. He clearly wasn’t my Mr. Right. Or even my Mr. Right now. I’m in awe by how little I knew him. He called me two days ago to tell me that he wasn’t going to hurt me and that he was going to make me happy. I believed him. I still believe him. I know he intended to do so, but his anger management issues are a red flag if I ever saw one. I’ve also learnt a little about myself. How I handled myself with him makes me really disappointed. I was stubborn and it’s as though I’d be actively picking fights. Clearly that’s something I need to fix.
Update: I wrote his text on a sticky note and stuck it to the front of my closet door. That way I’ll constantly see it and be reminded of all the reasons why I shouldn’t be missing him. Even though it’s inevitable; I am human, after all.